It’s going to be a while until I get used to writing that collection of numbers down. Let’s place a bet on how long it’ll take me to stop writing 2013 on practically everything. I’m gonna go with two months, at a minimum.
I haven’t done anything special for New Year’s in a while, honestly. This year it doesn’t even really feel special: it’s another day, another night, tomorrow I’ll wake up and it’ll be January 1st, whoop de doo. The most notable thing about that for me is that it means there’s a new Welcome to Night Vale episode out, but besides that, it’s pretty unremarkable.
I think the best thing I’ve ever done on New Year’s Eve was a couple years ago when I had a friend sleep over: we basically just stayed up and watched videos the whole night. That was it. Nothing spectacular, nothing fantastic. But it was one of the best New Year’s none the less.
Maybe I should try to make a list or something of all of my year’s accomplishments. It might help put things into a little more perspective. So, here goes:
-finally made a website and uploaded most of Paradigm Shift, my first completed comic
-went to Scotland and had a blast
-started my third year of college and survived kicked the ass of one of the roughest semesters I’ve ever had
This is about as far as I got into the list before I realized that I should be listening to This Year on repeat and that’s kind of what I’m doing right now.
This has been a really rough year for me. I’ve had days, weeks where I’ve felt lower than I’ve ever felt before. Some part of me thought I wasn’t going to be able to do it. Some part of me, a part that was small but then started to overpower me, said that I was going to fail, that everything I had done up to this point was a fluke, that I would fail and then I’d be completely and utterly lost because I’ve been banking on art for my future for an unbelievably long time (though I suppose not really long, but long in the timeframe of my life) and if I couldn’t do that, I wouldn’t know what I’d do. At all.
I’m still scared about that, and a lot of things. Next year is going to be big. I hope I get an internship. I might not. It won’t be the end of the world, but I can’t plan everything that is going to happen to me. And even if I did, what kind of life would that be? A boring one. An even more shitty one than I can even imagine.
But regardless of the internship, regardless of whatever happens, the potential of the upcoming year is huge. I could do anything. I could do things that I can’t even think of right now, and I probably will.
It’s hard for me to quantify this year, which is weird, because I’m typically a list kind of person, but I’m just not feeling it right now. Maybe I’ll give it another shot:
-went outside in a middle of a blizzard and made snow angels with friends
-unearthed a sanctuary
…Maybe that’s it. I’ve changed. I’ve changed a lot this year. Because of things that have happened to me, because of how I’ve reacted, because of how I’ve coped, because of the things that have entered my life and become so important to me. Hey, 2012 me! In seven months you’re gonna be really bummed about life, and then you’re gonna find this cool podcast that’s terrifying and beautiful and life-changing, and it’s gonna be awesome. So, if for some reason you’re reading this in the past, you’ve got that to look forward to!
You actually have a lot of stuff to look forward to, now that I think of it. More self-understanding and self-awareness. Strengthening of friendships. Discovery of new passions. Rekindling of old ones. Spending time with your family.
It’s gonna be rough, I’m not gonna lie. You’re going to have days where you don’t want to get out of bed, days you don’t want to eat, but you’re going to get out of bed and eat anyway because sometimes that’s just how life is. But those days, you’ll get through those days. You’ll get through them for the good moments. For your passions. For your family. For the people who care about you, including yourself.
You can do it. Because you’ve done it. You’re here right now, typing this on the keyboard into the Word document, listening to This Year on repeat as you sit on the floor with your headphones on.
So face next year head-on. Because you’ve got naysayers to prove wrong, and you’ve got a fire in your chest, and you can set worlds alight with your passion, and you’ve got some of the best people in the world supporting you.
I’m gonna make it through this year if it kills me.